2021 Lessons and Blessins

Have end-of-year recaps and resolutions finally met their end? I sincerely hope so. Afterall, who wants to hear a detailed account of me sitting at home doing my silly little job every day for 12 months with sporadic milestones like *getting vaccinated* or *seeing my parents in person*? Nobody. 

Instead, I present my first annual “Lessons and Blessins,” a phrase I once blurted out and have loved ever since. It’s exactly what it sounds like. Enjoy. 

Lessons

Aging is my ally, not my enemy. I’m quickly approaching the big 3-0, and of course have mixed feelings about it. My visible signs of aging are just little reminders of the larger sense that the life ahead of me is getting smaller. And that can be difficult for all of us to confront. But my 28th year brought steadiness, confidence, and dare I say wisdom that my early twenties lacked. While the days ahead grow shorter, I do hope they are sweeter too.

Sometimes, it’s harder to be a human being than a human doing. I had an intense workload for the first half of 2021, which allowed me to have a lighter workload for a few months over the summer and early fall. Even though this year was my most successful, professionally and financially, I still felt guilty about taking so much time off. My husband offered this quote: “It’s harder to be a human being than human doing.” Which got me thinking, why does rest make me feel guilty? So, I spent a few months leaning hard into downtime and doing stuff for pure enjoyment. The verdict? Capitalism is stupid and rest is amazing. 

Anxiety and depression are treatable. I have always struggled with anxiety and depression. Like many, my mental health issues were exacerbated by the stress and despair of the last two years. It got pretty bad. But I found an incredible therapist who has already had a profound impact on my day-to-day mental health. In the past, working with therapists that weren’t a great fit often deterred me from seeking out help elsewhere. I wish I hadn’t waited so long. 

Boundaries are worth the discomfort of setting them. As an enneagram nine ~ the peacemaker ~ I am vehemently opposed to conflict. So, setting boundaries at work or in personal relationships is uncomfortable. But owning my own business has forced me to develop and exercise the skill of setting boundaries. Whether it’s pushing back on timelines, asking for more compensation, or holding fast to fixed business hours, healthy boundaries have made my work life much more positive and are beginning to flow into my personal relationships as well.

Blessins

A place to call home. Growing up in a military family and moving several times for my husband’s school and work as an adult meant that our recent move to Columbia, South Carolina marked my tenth state of residence. As a kid, I didn’t really develop the skill of “putting down roots” so this settling down concept is both exciting and terrifying. Thankfully, our new (and hopefully long-term) city could not be a better fit. And thanks to my aforementioned therapist, I am learning how to make this silly little house a home. 

Coworking > working from home. I can’t tell you how perfectly suited I am for remote work, but after 2.5 years of isolation and sharing my office with two very rowdy dogs, I met my breaking point. In the fall, I purchased a coworking membership at femme x COLUMBIA, a women-centered community and coworking space in a historic home downtown. It’s cozy and quiet, but also offers weekly social events. I still work from home half of the week, but my coworking days are a welcome change of pace and a fun way to make friends in a new city.

Long-distance friendships. I have incredible friends, but none of them live locally. That’s been tough to accept. For one, long-distance friendships require more intention and work. But my long-distance friendships have #blesst me. We have group texts and Zoom lunches, virtual coworking dates and live Bachelor commentary. I even went on my first annual “Girls’ Trip” this summer. Of course, I want to make new friends who live close by. But this year, it was my old friends from all over the country who really held it down and I cherish each and every one of them.

A magical debt-free witch. I finally paid off my student loans. I remember years ago, while working at a job I hated and struggling to make ends meet, thinking that one day I would own my own business and be able to write a big fat check to pay off my student loans. *And they would rue the day!* I’m not sure who they are or if they’re rueing anything. But I do know that my younger self is very proud of us, and my current self is proud of us, and we’re both crying a little.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for giving a shit. I leave you with a single phrase beloved by all dads and mid-level managers: see you next year! ;)